youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
