I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
