I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
