i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
