I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He's on the porch naked. Help.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
