why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
