12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
