Michael Bay diarrhea
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
