Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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