I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
