i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
