I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
