how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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