i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
