tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
