I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
