I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
