Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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