Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you didnt know i had herpes?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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