the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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