Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
