he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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