I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
