i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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