i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
