i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
