He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
