Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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