just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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