I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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