Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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