You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
