I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
