This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm having to shit out rocks
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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