Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
