she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
