your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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