If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
