Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
