I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
