I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
