Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
