pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
