Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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