I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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