i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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