I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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