The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
