hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
