I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
