The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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